I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
