i barfeds in our rink
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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