I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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