first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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