I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
