Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
