billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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