I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
