your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
