So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
