Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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