You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
