Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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