Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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