Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
