I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
