Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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