Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
