the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
