After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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