I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
