i don't like sucking hair
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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