Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
