so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
