Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
