history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
