even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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