The maid of honor just puked.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
