please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm just crazy horny about you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
