I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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