I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
