so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
