True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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