Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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