I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
