i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have fence marks all over my body
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
