I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
