Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
