I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
