Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
