Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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