i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
