ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
