i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
