I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
