You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
