hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
