I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
