ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
