You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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