I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
