Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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