At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
