he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
