Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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