Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
