Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
