I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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