this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
