I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
