I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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