matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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