I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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