I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
