I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
