why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's shark week go big or go home
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
