Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
