woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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