Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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