I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
