I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize