dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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